As some people may know, I am recently divorced. As in, only a few months in. Or out? Anyway, over the last couple of months, I've been compiling an informal, mental list of a few of the things that being divorced makes you look at differently. Things people say, things people do, ways people try to help, etc. I've decided that I'm gonna talk about a few of these things and how they make me feel. This is not meant to be for all divorced people out there, this is just my experience. So, with that said: Onward, into my BRAIN!!!!!
1. "I/We saw it coming"
Before the divorce was finalized I was visiting with a relative of mine and they brought this little gem into the conversation. I understand that to this person it seemed like the kind of line that would comfort me, but in reality, it pissed me off. I felt as if they were saying, "I can't believe you deluded yourself into thinking your marriage was working for so long, I mean WE all saw it coming, why didn't you?" Again, I know it was said with the best of intentions, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. And while we're on the subject of best intentions. . .
2. "You deserve someone who treats you right"
A few weeks ago, my sister got married (no hard feelings by the way, the guy's awesome and they're great together, I'm happy for them). At the reception, which I invited a friend (female) to, a relative said to my friend, "He deserves someone who treats him right." While I understand the desire to, perhaps, look out for me, I have made a decision not to be bitter toward my ex-wife. I am hurt by the choice she made and I am not happy about it, but I don't want to hear that she, "didn't treat me right." Unless you're absolutely sure that abuse of some type was part of the relationship, this one may not be a very good one to say to your divorced friends.
3. Wedding Season
Ah, Summer. It's warm, school is out, couples are getting married, isn't it beautiful. Apparently, most weddings happen in the summer months, which is understandable. The difficult part for me about that is that, for some weird reason, most anniversaries happen in the summer months too. I don't know how this was before Facebook, but I've noticed that people feel the need to put up some post on their anniversary saying how great it is to be married to their best friend. Every time I see a post like that I think, "look at that, another happy couple, great for them, wish that was me." Doesn't help that my own anniversary is at the end of July. I wonder how that's gonna feel. . . huh?4. Baby Announcements
This one is the one that tipped the scales on me writing this blog post. My wife and I tried having kids and, for whatever reason, kept having miscarriages instead. Babies have, for the past 5 years been a bit of a tough thing for me, but even more so now, I think. I understand that you as a couple are excited about your upcoming bundle of joy, but I hope you don't mind if I see your post, get a pang of sadness and move on to something happier, like a cat video.
5. Any questions about my dating life.
I understand people are concerned about me. I get that. I also understand that I'm not getting any younger. But what people who ask if I'm dating don't understand is that it's none of their business if I'm dating someone. I'm a grown man who can take care of himself. In case anybody reading this is curious, yes, I have gone on dates and yes, there have been girls I've seen on more than one occasion. But I'm not looking to get married again right now. If you're concerned with my lack of a serious girlfriend, remember, I got married once before, I can probably do it again if I want to.
I don't mean to offend any of my friends or family members with this post, I just feel like a lot of the people I know don't know many people who are divorced and don't know how to act around them. So here's a tip, there's a lot more to me than my ex-wife, talk to me about those things. Hopefully this helps you talk to me or any other divorced acquaintances you may have.
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