Tuesday, December 9, 2014

I'm not putting this one on facebook

So, usually when I update my blog I put a link on Facebook, but today's post is little too private for that, and yet, I feel the need to just talk to somebody and my computer screen is the best option I have right now.

So first, I've been under a lot of stress lately. I've had issues with money, school, work, and my relationships. So let's go through each one and just vent about why I'm frustrated right now.

First, Money. Recently I bought a house and I was doing well on making the payments, last month, however, November, I had an issue and was unable to get the money put together. December isn't looking to good either right now. In the past I've asked my mom for help but she's seemed under stress because of their own financial situation and I felt bad asking her for money. It's my own fault. But now I've got back utility bills, a month late mortgage payment and no idea how I'm going to pay it.

Second, school. This is somewhat related to money but in the past I haven't done super awesome in school. I'm two-thirds of the way to my degree and this semester I was unable to get financial aid. I now have to pay for this semester by myself and I have to pay for it before I can go back to school. As I mentioned above, I don't have enough money to pay for the things I need right now. I can't afford to pay for a semester of school.

Third, work. Work overall is okay except for a small incident that happened back in August and in which I did everything I should have done and everything I was told to do and yet I'm just now having to deal with the lies other people told and the choices that were made for me. I won't go into detail but I'm sick of being told what to say and do.

Finally, and this is the big one relationships. As I'm sure you know, I am married, however what most of you don't know is that my wife has been talking seriously about getting a divorce for the past three months. She's stopped sleeping in the same bed as me, she's pulling away and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to be respectful of what she wants but it hurts and I don't want it. I don't know what to do right now. She's always been my best friend and now she's trying to break that. We get in fights because I don't want to let go and she says that I need to. I just don't know what to do in this situation.

I have friends but I hate to tell them about these kinds of things, so I put it out to the internet, I have two followers here and I'm pretty sure my mom is one of them, so maybe they'll see this. Anyway it just feels a little cathartic to get it out and put it out there. Maybe someone can give me some advice, because, as I've said multiple times. . . I don't know what to do. . .

Monday, October 13, 2014

HRRP: Part 6

Okay, so I took a week off, but there was a reason. Basically, the next bits of content were mostly old menus and stuff in the museum. I decided to not grade those but instead move on to the next toon. From now on I will only review toons. Any menus or games will come after I finish going through the cartoons, ok? OK! So let's get back on the wagon with. . .

In Search of the Yellow Dello

In this cartoon we first see Coach Z, Homestar, and Pom Pom on the athletic field doing. . . sports, apparently. . . Anyway, Homestar apparently looks sad and Coach Z asks him what's up. Homestar says he doesn't understaaaaaaand the ladies. He tells Coach Z that it's Marzipan's birthday and he doesn't know what to get her. Coach Z tells him to get her something really special, i.e. "Don't just get her a flower. Get her some rare flower from the tallest mountain! That way she knows how much she means to yahs!"

Homestar sits on a rock and thinks for apparently several days and then, suddenly, he "has" the solution! He's going to get Marzipan the Yellow Dello, "the most rare and beautiful bird in this entire cartoon." It's a yellow bird with a long neck, small wings, and some fine gams (is it offensive to call them gams? If it is let me know).

Homestar enlists the help of Pom Pom and Strong Sad in going to northeastern Potamia to find the Yellow Dello. The traveled very far and encountered many dangerous, but they made it to the mountain. After the get to the mountain, we cut to Strong Bad telling Marzipan that a) Homestar is getting her the Yellow Dello and b) Strong Bad is getting her absolutely nothing. Homestar seems quite excited for her birthday present.

Next we see the trio at the bottom of the mountain with the Yellow Dello in a bag. They then go home to get ready for the party. Marzipan arrives at the party and they greet her with a large roasted bird and a hearty happy birthday. Marzipan assumes the roasted bird is the Yellow Dello, killed, stuffed and dressed for a delicious dinner, and is outraged, she screams, slaps Homestar and storms off. The Yellow Dello then pops out of the present in the house and says, "Gee, whaddya think her problem was?" We end with Homestar again lamenting that he doesn't understaaaaaand the ladies.

So, this is the old version of this cartoon, it has limited dialog and sound effects and the drawings are kinda weird, although in the DVD Commentary, Matt Chapman says that for the storyboards he drew he had the weird drawings and Mike basically just said, "Yeah, do it exactly like that." I think the weird drawings and odd animation stuff works well humor-wise. The story is pretty simple, but so are most stories on the website. We do get a little intro to Coach Z's accent, although it isn't as pronounced yet. Also, this is the first toon in which both Coach Z and Strong Sad speak. Also, if you'll notice, this is apparently before the involvement of Missy Palmer, the voice of Marzipan, as the only sound she makes appears to be a stock scream. I give this toon a B+.

The Reddest Radish

This cartoon takes place on the day of the Reddest Radish Competition and opens on Marzipan working in her radish garden. The Cheat throws a forged note from Homestar at Marzipan's. . . feet?. . . telling her that Homestar is sick. Marzipan then rushes to Homestar's house to check up on him. After she leaves, The Cheat, Strong Mad, and Strong Bad jump out from behind the bush and steal the radish that Marzipan left behind so they can win the competition.

Marzipan arrives at Homestar's house and knocks on the door with her head (which I find odd, seeing as how she slapped Homestar and left a hand print in the last cartoon, but, like we'll do many many times, let's ignore continuity). Homestar doesn't answer because, as we see in the next cut, he's waiting for her at the competition. Pom Pom suggests that he kick a can to make himself feel better that Marzipan isn't there. The can hits the wagon that Strong Bad and Gang are using to transport the stolen radish. (Also to be clear, Marzipan has left Homestar's place at this point). The radish flies into the air and Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Pom Pom, and Homestar start fighting over it in a cartoon fight cloud. Homestar ends up winning and shows Marzipan the radish up on stage. Marzipan informs Homestar that the stolen radish was not, in fact, her entrant into the contest. Instead she pulls a much larger and much redder radish from off screen and handily wins the contest.

This is another with a non-orthodox animation style, portraying the characters as paper cutouts and colored with crayon. None of the mouths move and the entire toon is played as if it were filmed in front of a live audience, with laughs and cheers and boos added at appropriate (and sometimes inappropriate) points. The canned laughter actually adds to the humor of the toon, poking fun at sitcoms with canned laughter. This toon is also the introduction of Missy Palmer as the voice of Marzipan. Overall, I give the toon a B.


Okay guys, apparently no one has been reading this, but I'm gonna keep doing it, for my own fun! But if you are reading, please agree with me, or disagree! I don't care, tell me why I'm wrong!

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

HRRP: Part 5

Alright folks, this is gonna cover a lot of ground tonight. No time to chat, let's go!

She Loves Me!

This is the first Homestar Runner "game" although that word may be pushing it. In the game you learn that, first, Homestar is thinking about Marzipan. He decides to pick a flower and see if she loves him or not. You are then asked to pick the petals off the flower and see if she loves him or not. It will always end with her loving him not. BUT WAIT! A new petal grows right after the last one is picked! AW, she loves him!

Game isn't the best term for this because you can't really do anything to change the outcome, but it is pretty much the first time that The Brothers Chaps have made something that was purely meant to be interactive. Also, this is the first time that we get to hear the name of Marzipan (you'll remember she first appeared in Marshmallow's Last Stand). In the end, the game isn't that fancy but in terms of overall significance, it's strong. I give it a B.

Kick the Can

This is actually 15 different toons all put together on one page. You play each one by clicking on a reel that sits on the floor around a projection screen. The toons all start the same, There's a title card introducing The Homestar Runner (Old-timey version) in a "cartoon" for kids. It then shows The Homestar Runner kicking a can forward, stopping, and then some weird ending. A few examples of endings: his head pops off, he kicks the can into his torso, his head falls back down upside down into his torso and ends with a new face and the caption "gosh!" Another ending has him kicking the can into his mouth and him spitting fire afterwards. To see them all go watch them.

This cartoon does a few interesting things, it creates the first variation of a main character, Old-Timey The Homestar Runner. It also really plays on the bizarre, surreal humor that will become the driving force in the website. Honsetly, there were some moments when I chuckled a little at the endings. All that was done without voice acting, purely visual. I think that this cartoon deserves the grade of A.

Main Pages 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6

I'm gonna get these main pages out of the way all at once. Basically every main page is the same. It has a series of buttons going down the left side labelled, in order, "'toons," "games," "characters," "downloads," "store," and "email." When you mouse over any of these buttons Homestar says the word on the button and an animation related to the main page's theme plays.

Main page 1's theme is Homestar on the moon, it shows things such as a nuclear explosion on earth, an astronaut waving from his rocket, and constellations of Strong Bad and Marzipan.

Main page 2's theme is Homestar in the Alps, It features Homestar in lederhosen and has animations such as a man playing an Alphorn saying "Riiicolaaaa," an Eagle pulling a fish from a river, and a quick Christmas tree decoration.

Main page 3's theme is Homestar on the beach. Animations included are a steam boat going by, a monkey throwing coconuts, and the first appearance of the "Wear a bikini!" banner, pulled by an airplane.

Main page 4's theme is Homestar in a bowling alley. There's a bowler getting a strike, a bowler getting a split and then picking up the spare, and a bowling ball falling from the sky and making a hole in the lane.

Main page 5's theme is Homestar working in a diner. It features a hamburger flipping, Homestar's hat getting flipped around, and a diner working speaking illegibly while a plate of food is held up (Upon consulting the Hrwiki I have learned that the worker says "Quarter-cheese-plate-scattered-smothered-covered.").

Finally Main page 6's theme is Homestar in heaven. It features a harp, fighter jets, and Strong Bad walking on clouds and falling through them yelling "Holy Craaaaaap!"

The thing about the main pages is that they can be mildly humorous, but they aren't generally meant to be the main attraction. However, I did learn that if you time it right, on main page six you can make it look as if the devil is taking Strong Bad out of heaven. Anyway on that note, I give each page, respectively, grades of: C, C+, B, B, B-, B+.

That's all I'm going to do tonight, but tune back in tomorrow!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

HRRP: Part 4

Hey everyone! Tonight we're doing another multiple content night! Let's begin!

Old Intro


This one's pretty simple. It starts with an image of Homestar, the first two sentences from the original book, ("Everyone loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete.") appear on either side of him. There are fireworks, arrow, a zoom in on Homestar's eye and then an image of him looking out from a star with the H*R logo and Enter written underneath. You can click on the Logo and Homestar will say "Hello!"

Pretty bland stuff on this one. Not particularly funny, except for the page title (That's Mike going 'Beeoo!') and maybe the way Homestar says "Hello." However, we're early on and this is the very first intro page to the website. And good job to Mike for the Firework sounds. I give this a D+.

If I Ran the Camera

This one's . . . different. It doesn't actually have any Homestar Runner characters but it was a secret page on the site until 2003 when the Brothers Chaps removed it. Anyway, the toon is a flash slide show that tells the story of Astrid Renee, who is the niece of the Brothers Chaps, of what it would be like if she made movies. It's told in the style of Dr. Seuss books, mimicking his signature rhyming style, a few pieces of art, and made up place names. In the poem, Astrid hires her Grandpa Chapman to do basically everything in making the movie and remembers to thank him when she thanks the academy.

It definitely loses points for having no connection to Homestar, but it shows that the Brothers Chaps really started doing this kind of thing for fun. In a recent interview, Matt Chapman said that they just started using Flash to make stupid animations and they put them on the Internet for their friends and family to see. This is evidently one of those early pieces that they used to show their family. In any case, on pretty much the adorableness of it alone, I give it a B-.

The King of Town (Old Version)

This will be the last one tonight. I promise. Anyway, this one introduces us at first to, of all people, The King of Town!

The King of Town is apparently a good ruler who rules over Town very nicely. But alas! His sheep are missing and he fears a dragon has eaten them. He calls Homestar Runner and Pom Pom to help him find out where his sheep have gone. Homestar and Pom Pom question the King's servants: The Blacksmith, the Poopsmith, and the Chef. The Chef knows exactly what happened to the sheep!

Homestar and Pom Pom, using a magical chalkboard explain to the King that the sheep were not eaten by a dragon. This relieves the King, until he is told that the sheep were, in fact, eaten. The King is wondering who could have done such a thing and Homestar essentially tells the King that the sheep were inside him the whole time. . . literally. We all have a laugh!

This toon gives voice to The King of Town and establishes him as a glutton with a terrible memory of what exactly he's eaten. It also, oddly, makes Homestar quite intelligent, in terms of current Homestar. The joke is a little obvious but there are a few little funny moments, like the introduction and naming of the Poopsmith, and the magical chalkboard. All in all, a decent cartoon, but not the best. C.

Well, everyone, that's it for tonight, see you tomorrow!

Monday, October 6, 2014

HRRP: Part 3

So, here we are at part three of my new daily installment of my reviews and summations of as many Homestar Runner pieces of entertainment as possible. Today we're gonna make a big jump and review four cartoons, so let's get started with:

First Flash





So this cartoon, at 7 seconds long doesn't have much, just Pom Pom bouncing around. On the one hand, it has no story, no jokes, and doesn't introduce any characters, however, it is the beginning of The Brothers Chaps' foray into flash animation. For that point alone it avoids the F, but only barely. I give it a D.

NEXT!

Second Flash

This is the second flash cartoon the Brothers made and it's almost as bland as the first. It is simply Homestar, sans-hat, walking in a field in front of a teleset hiding behind a tree. Also at seven seconds long, it has no story, only movement. However, I found the TV behind the tree slightly humorous, so I give this a D+.

TO NUMBER THREE!

Pom Pom, Too

Now we're getting to the real stuff! So this cartoon starts with an image of a pill, although it apparently isn't a pill, it's the "Isle of Pom." This island is where the Poms live, one of which we have met before: Pom Pom.

We are informed that Pom Pom is the best Pom. And the cartoon then explains to us the reasons why he is the best. He loves his parents, he's patriotic, he feeds his dog every day, he treats his neighbors with respect and he doesn't play with matches. We then are informed that "we all love Pom-Pom, too."

This cartoon has a few more things going for it. First we get a little background on one of the characters, Pom Pom. We also get to hear the voice of a Pom Pom, which is little more than bubbling. The artwork isn't the best, in my opinion, but this is early, so I don't place too much emphasis on that. Anyway, considering this is the first story, I would like to call this the first cartoon. I would also like to give it a C.

AND THE FINAL ONE!!

Marshmallow's Last Stand

This one is the first full length cartoon and the first to use voice acting. We start with a disclaimer about the fact that the cartoon was taken off the site because the characters have changed so much since it was made.

The cartoon starts in a marshmallow shop called Marshmallow's Last Stand. Homestar and Pom Pom are seated and enjoying a couple of giant marshmallows. Homestar uses clever trickery to steal Pom Pom's marshmallow. Suddenly, to the sound of squeedly guitars, appears our protagonists, The Brothers Strong, Strong Mad and Strong Bad. Strong Bad says that they are the greatest tag team wrestlers in the world and Homestar is. . .unimpressed. Strong Bad challenges Homestar and Pom Pom to a tag-team match and Homestar says no. Finally an exasperated Strong Bad steals the star of of Homestar's shirt (presumably re-naming him Home). This gets under Home's skin and he and Pom Pom agree to the wrestling match.

At the arena we are treated to the obligatory introduction of the wrestlers. The match begins and Home and Strong Bad fight. Home kick Strong Bad down a few times after which Strong Bad tags in his enormous brother. Strong Mad simply grabs Home by the legs and knocks him around a bit, finally throwing him out of the ring. Pom Pom, in an effort to protect his friend, hops into the ring and right onto Strong Mad's fist. Strong Mad, wearing Pom Pom like a boxing glove, beats him on the ring a few times until Pom Pom falls down. Strong Mad then attempts to jump off the ropes onto Pom Pom but is bounced into space by Pom Pom's bounciness.

We come back to Home and Strong Bad in the ring. Home eventually knock Strong Bad out of the ring and Strong Bad reaches under the ring, pulling out a bomb. He jumps back in an throws the bomb down Home's throat, and punches him in the gut a few times. Suddenly, Home mentions that he ate too many marshmallows and turns an ugly green color. He pukes all over Strong Bad's face and the bomb comes back up, sticking to the side of Strong Bad's face. Strong Bad runs around the ring until his head explodes.

Home and Pom Pom are declared the winners and Home asks for his star back. Strong Bad rage-rips up the star. Home is pissed now! He does a flying kick to Strong Bad's exploded face and takes one of the stars flying above Strong Bad's head. THE END!

So this toon, although being a shadow of what is to come, brings a lot of good things together. First, as I stated before, this is the first cartoon to use voice acting, giving voices to two more characters, Homestar and Strong Bad. We also get to see the first appearance of a few more characters, namely, the King of Town, The Poopsmith, and Marzipan. This means that, of the twelve main characters, we have now seen at least an image of all but Homsar. Finally we can kind of see the beginning of the Easter egg trend, not that there's anything to click on, but if you pay enough attention you can see some goofy jokes, like the picture in the marshmallow stand, or the sign that The Poopsmith holds up. This cartoon is where we really start to see what the Brothers Chaps are capable of and what they are going to do. Although the characters and as fleshed out as they will be, in terms of a pilot episode, this is good. I give it a B+

So that's it for tonight, it's been a long one! Hopefully you'll be back tomorrow for part 4!

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Homestar Runner Review Project: Day 2

So, last night, I started my Homestar Runner Review Project, which shall henceforth be called the HRRP. Anyway, in case you missed it, I reviewed the very first appearance of Homestar Runner in his original children's book. Tonight I bring you the second appearance and the first video, simply titled,

Super NES


The cartoon starts with a message that the following cartoon is "The first Homestar cartoon ever made." We are then treated to a series of images of Homestar doing various things such as playing baseball, moving around a wrestling ring with Strong Bad, and playing some type of sports game with Pom Pom. Over all of this is a song that will eventually become the music for the theme song video.

There really isn't much to say about this toon, it's short (less than a minute and a half), and doesn't have any storyline. It was apparently made by making a bunch of different animations on the Mario Paint game for the SNES. Fun fact though, it was made by The Brothers Chaps as a Christmas Present for their brother, Donnie.

This cartoon kind of introduces a few more characters, this is the first appearance of the entire Strong Family - Strong Bad, Strong Mad, and Strong Sad - although the latter two only exist for a few seconds. The cartoon shows the beginnings of the Brothers Chaps' animating skills, which would eventually be honed into the fluid, dynamic, flash cartoons that make up most of Homestarrunner.com. However, the cartoon wasn't very funny and had no storyline, for that I give it a D.

Y'know what, it's still early, maybe I should do another toon tonight? What do you guys think? Yes! Okay! Here we go, next on the list is:

Where My Hat Is At?


Here we have another book, so I'm sure we can expect a story out of this one.

This book starts similarly to the last one, with the same declaration of Homestar's adoring fan base and his athletic prowess, but things take a different turn as we continue. We learn that Homestar has lost his hat! And on the day of the Big Game, no less! What!? And this game has a strict uniform rule stating that a player must wear a hat? Whatever will the Homestar Runner do!?

Interspersed with a de-hatted Homestar asking the grammatically incorrect question, "Where my hat is at?" We learn that the hat is not under the couch, on the teleset, in the pool, cooking on the grill, in the postbox, or under the auto. After having exhausted every option he can think of Homestar starts asking his friends. But sadly, Pom-Pom, Coach Zee, and Bubs have no idea where this hat is. The Umpire informs Homestar (probably unnecessarily) that without his hat he can't play in the Big Game.

Homestar, depressed, resigns himself to the fact that he won't be able to show his athletic skills to all at the Big Game and goes home. Once home he decides he could go for "a few cold ones" and opens the refrige- I mean, icebox. As he opens the icebox, he feels that there is something strange. . . then he notices it! Right between the milk and the cold ones is that familiar blue hat! "There my hat is at!!" He exclaims!

Homestar grabs a few cold ones, dons his newly found hat, and runs to the Big Game. Luckily he appears to have arrived just in time to score the winning run! Hooray for Homestar! Coach Zee asks where the hat was and Homestar replies that it was between the milk and the cold ones. The End.

This heartwarming story of a lost hat being found does more than just make us remember to always check the fridge when we have lost something, it also introduced a few more characters: the minor character, The Umpire, and the two Main Characters, Coach Z(ee) and Bubs. Also, we see more of the type of humor that will be commonplace in the future. Grammatically incorrect phrases, alternate terms for things with simple names, and more of Homestar's naivety. This is a bit funnier than the stuff that we've seen so far, and I feel it has a little more significance to the future direction of the series. I give this book an A.

Alright, so that's two in one night! At this rate, I probably won't ever get through everything. Oh well, it's still fun right?

Anyway, if you agree with these grades, great! If you don't, tell me why! Thanks everybody!

Saturday, October 4, 2014

The Glorious Return. . .

"Everybody loves the Homestar Runner. He is a terrific athlete."

These two simple sentences back in 1996 started a beautiful and weird series of the life and times of Homestar Runner and the other Residents of Free Country, U.S.A. Written by Mike Chapman and a friend named Craig Zobel, this book introduced us to the Homestar Runner universe. Some of the characters in this original book became fixtures in the H*R universe - Homestar, Pom Pom, Strong Bad, and The Cheat - While others would end up being generally forgotten. But, like watching the pilot episode of your favorite TV show after 4 seasons on air, you can still see where things started and look at how far you've come.

In honor of the fact that Brothers Mike and Matt Chapman have once again started updating homestarrunner.com, I've decided that, as long as I can remember to do it, I am going to go through as much of the body of work as I can. Not a small feat, considering the site updated nearly weekly for about nine years. However, I will do what I can to offer my own insights and thoughts about each item.

I plan on doing this in order, so that those who desire to read about this can perhaps follow along with me as we get to see the birth of such iconic characters as Trogdor, Stinkoman, Stiny, Teen Girl Squad, Limozeen, and so much more. We can observe the changes in the characters as Strong Bad moves from main antagonist to main feature. We can find the inside jokes and laugh at the self-referencing humor. And hopefully, we can just enjoy this strange world.

As I go through this, I plan on giving each piece a grade, between A and F. Admittedly, these grades are subjective and you may agree or disagree. I do plan on giving my reasons for each grade.

I may also provide little bits of information that I can gather from other sources. My source will primarily be one of the best wiki's I've ever seen, hrwiki.org. HRWiki has been an invaluable source in helping me to really appreciate Homestar Runner since I found it years ago, and I highly suggest that all of you check it out.

So, without further ado, here is my review of the Original Book:

The Homestar Runner Enters the Strongest Man in the World Contest


This is it, the beginning. Fittingly we are first shown the titular character, (The) Homestar Runner. To clarify, this is the being we usually refer to without the integral article "The" not the 1939 version which won't show up for a while. Or maybe it is the old version colorarizized? An odd thought, hm. . .

Anyway, we learn everything we need to know at this point about Homestar, namely a) everybody loves him, and b) he is a terrific athlete. Now, being a terrific athlete, his friend, Pom-Pom entices him to join a contest, surprisingly titled "The Strongest Man in the World Contest." Homestar agrees and the two train for days.

As the two are heading for the competition, they are stopped by another competitor, the villain of the story, Strong Bad, who informs them that they are not strong and that he is the "very strongest." This is truly the greatest trash talk in the history of the universe.

We are then introduced to the other contestants, three of which we won't see for quite some time and the three more that will become very active characters. All of the competitors are informed of the rules of the contest (which seems like something that should have been covered long before the contest, but whatever). Basically the contest involves holding up a pile of giant grapes as long as possible while more giant grapes are added to the pile by the Grape Fairie, a fairie that is inexplicably riding atop a giant bee.

All six athletes are bestowed twenty grapes to start, this proves to be too much for Mr. Bland and he is crushed by his grapes. Another grape is added to each pile and minor character number two, with a "SPLURT!" sound gets squished like a pancake. Señor is definitely not the strongest man in the world. And then, surprisingly, last year's winner, The Robot, shuts down and drops his grapes. We see a small yellow animal running away from the outlet the Robot was plugged into. Homestar is suspicious.

Another grape is added and Homestar notices Strong Bad getting some help from that little yellow thing. He declares his intentions to drop his grapes and uncover the cheat. He succeeds by pulling The Cheat out from under Strong Bad's grape pile and kicking him far away. Strong Bad is squished under his pile of grapes.

So who's left? Pom-Pom, obviously. He is the only character that is still holding up his grapes, and is therefore the winner! The final panel, however states that Pom-Pom shares his trophy with Homestar because "he could not have done it without The Homestar Runner's help."

Now, the review. To be fair, it wasn't very funny. It was surreal, for sure, but it didn't have many jokes. However, it did do a good job of giving us the names of the characters and some basic traits of theirs. For example, the fact that Homestar accidentally forfeits the contest to stop Strong Bad's cheating shows his impulsive nature and his inability to think very far ahead. We also see the beginning of Strong Bad and the Cheat's relationship, namely that of villain and lackey. Finally we see Pom-Pom, his ability to really not care about what everyone else is doing and getting the job done anyway. Due to the fact that this book is the beginning of the Homestar Runner body of work, I will grade leniently. I give it a B+.

So, feel free to read the original book, and tell me if you agree or not. And just so you know, this is only for fun, so no need to get into any fights with me about what I think.

Also, do you feel like I should make this feature part of this blog or should I create another blog specifically for my Homestar Runner Grading Project? Let me know!

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Adding To My Brother's Blog, So That We Both Get Beat Up By The Angry Mob

So, about a week and a half ago my Brother posted to his blog on the topic of the recent "Ordain Women" Movement within the LDS Church. It is well thought out and much better than anything you'll read here so you should check it out here. In any case, certain recent events have led me to want to throw my own two cents in on the topic.

In case there are any who are not aware, I am a member of the LDS church. I'm not going to get into the major details but the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believe that The Church is headed by Jesus Christ with a President and Apostles acting in administrative capacities for the whole church. This President and the Apostles as well as various other leadership positions in the church require the use of the Priesthood, which, according to Lds.org is "The power and authority of God. . . Through [which], God created and governs the heavens and the earth, . . . [and] exalts his obedient children." Historically, within the church, this power has been given to men, and as such, the President, Apostles, and many leadership positions are filled by men.

The Ordain Women Movement seeks to do just what their name implies, persuade the church to allow Women to be ordained to the Priesthood. Recently, the leader of this organization, Kate Kelly was excommunicated for "conduct contrary to the laws and order of the church." In the letter she received from her Bishop in Virginia it stated that the problem was not asking questions but actively recruiting other members to her cause and undermining church leadership. The letter explains the actions that her leaders took to meet with her and help her with her concerns, and that she denied their counsel at every step.

Now, for the opinion part of this post, which has been building up in my mind since I heard both the initial news and the reactions from supporters and opponents of the Ordain Women movement. First of all, if you want to tell me that my opinion on the topic doesn't matter because I'm a man and I'm part of "the Patriarchy," that's fine. No one is forcing you to read this blog, you clicked on it and if you don't like what you read you are perfectly welcome to move on and find something else you like to read. Alright with that taken care of, let's move on.

The LDS church is a religious organization, nobody's going to doubt that. Religious organizations are allowed to have their own doctrine. For example, among the Doctrines of the LDS Church are that God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are all separate and distinct entities. Another is that all people will be resurrected and that, based on our own faithfulness, be placed into various degrees of heaven. The Church also believes that it is led by a Prophet who receives direct revelation from God on not just the affairs of the Church but on the world as a whole. Revelation is important in the Church because it is the basis on which things get done. It is how members are called to positions in the church of teachers, leaders, choristers, organists, and all the bits and cogs that make things work. Revelation also has distinct channels. Let me explain:

I imagine most of you have various electronic devices. Now when you need to plug those devices in, each device plugs into the wall in the same way, through the outlets. That's universal among all devices, however I'd bet that each of your devices has their own charger with an end specific for that device. My desktop power cord is much different than the power adapter for my laptop, and my phone charger would definitely not work to power either of those. Revelation is similar. The revelation comes from the same source, but it's endpoint depends on the person receiving it. The Prophet, as stated, can receive revelation for the church as a whole. A bishop can receive revelation for the congregation over which he presides. The president of the Relief Society can receive revelation to help those over which she is given stewardship, but not for the entire Stake. "How does this relate to Ordain Women?" You ask, because apparently you talk to internet articles. Simply put, the Ordain Women movement seeks to take the order of revelation out of the equation by either claiming revelation for the entire church, or by ignoring that the church policies may change but only because of revelation, not popular opinion.

The Church has never been run by popular opinion. There have been many stories in church history of members disagreeing with specific doctrines. An entire branch-off of the church was created because a few people decided that instead of Brigham Young being the next president of the church after Joseph Smith, that it should be Joseph Smith's son. These members stayed in Nauvoo while Brigham Young and the rest of the members trekked out West. The members that stayed behind may have been very devout and believed in all the doctrines that the Church taught, but they chose to ignore the revelation of the Lord to his Apostles. When the church discontinued polygamy in 1890, there were some members who chose to ignore the policy change and continue with plural marriage. These members ignored the revelation received by church leaders on a specific point and subsequently lost their membership.

Ordain Women is not much different. As far as it has been revealed, the Priesthood is to be held by men. This may change and it may not, the Lord has a history of changing who is allowed to hold the priesthood. But if there is a change, it will not come about because of members calling for it. God is a loving God, but a member of the church cannot believe in the doctrines of the church and seek to change God's ways. God has always chosen when the priesthood is on the earth and who holds it. It is his power and he decided who yields it. If the group that is allowed to use it changes, he will not tell a group of disgruntled members about that change. He will tell the Prophet, following the proper channels of revelation. The Presidents of the church have a history of being willing to change when the Lord tells them.

To the members who support Ordain Women, I understand where you may be coming from. I have no desire to tell you that your feelings are wrong. I do wish to let you know, however, that a church run by God is not going be moved by anybody but God.

Alright, bring on the angry mob. Michael, are you ready for them?

Friday, May 23, 2014

A new direction, perhaps.

So, I've noticed that two of my siblings also have blogs (if you are interested in reading them they are at http://meditativemormon.blogspot.com/ and http://livelaughlovethink.blogspot.com/ both updated on a non-regular basis), and every time I see my brother's I think, "Man, that kid has got his stuff together, he's got a definite topic that he follows." And then I'm embarrassed to update mine because I have, historically, had no direction. However, lately, events have caused me to come up with an idea for the direction of this blog. Let's discuss those events for a moment.

As you may know if you know me, I have been in the process of buying a house for the past couple of months. Due to a small snafu about a month ago, I have been living in one city and commuting an hour and fifteen minute to another for work. In any case, initially, when starting this new job I was hesitant because I would be working with people I didn't know. Luckily, there is a guy that works there who is right around my age and seems like a fairly cool guy. Don't get me wrong, he's fun to work with and I can relate with him on a number of topics, but there's one topic of conversation where I say nothing.

This topic I speak of is politics. Now, I don't talk to him about politics because I learned long ago that you do not talk politics with someone you disagree with if you want to continue being friendly with that person. So, because I disagree - sometimes quite strongly - with his viewpoints, I choose not to discuss them. However this leads to a fun time where he will rail on a specific point and I'll just be quiet and insert noncommittal "hems" and "haws," while inwardly I want to let the debater in me out. This usually ends with me taking a large portion of my drive yelling at the imaginary concept of my coworker.

This is where the blog comes in. Within the next few days I will not be having to take the long drive between work and home anymore, so how on earth am I going to vent my frustrations at my coworker? Simple, by throwing those frustrations to the internet and hoping that someone is interested in listening to what I say.

Now, a bit of a disclaimer: If you plan on continuing to read this blog it is important that you understand where I stand on a variety of issues, since I will probably talk about those and may or may not offend you in the process. So, here is my general political profile:

I am a self-labelled conservative-moderate libertarian. I personally believe that the national government should have very little power and that municipal and state governments should have the bulk of any power.

I am, on most fiscal issues, very conservative. I believe that the government needs to be very particular on what they spend and how much they spend. I feel that welfare programs have a place but they need to be better handled.

I am, on quite a few social issues, moderate to conservative. I am not for same-sex marriage simply because I feel like the government shouldn't dictate what is and isn't a marriage. I am pro-life.

I am a straight, white, male. If you feel like that alone disqualifies any opinion I have, leave this blog now, you aren't going to be happy.

I live (or at least will in the next couple of days) in the state of Utah. I am also LDS.

You will no doubt find that things I say disagree with you, please don't hate me for that. I hope that I will be able to explain the reasons I have the views I have as I discuss them so that you can understand where I come from. If you wish to comment, afford me the same courtesy, don't just say I'm wrong, give me some background to show why you believe I'm wrong.

Expect a new post soon, perhaps a rant about something my coworker said.

Friday, March 14, 2014

My problem with March 14th

So, today is the 14th of March, also known by many of you as "Pi day" (So called because it correlates to the popular approximation of the mathematical constant Pi - 3.14). However, I've always had a love-hate relationship with Pi, and don't like how much people focus on Pi. Here's why I don't like Pi day.

First, I'm not gonna be like those misguided souls who will say that "Pi is wrong." Pi is not wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with the constant 3.14159265. . . etc. It is a perfectly accurate measure of the ratio between a circle's diameter and its circumference. But there is where my first problem with pi is. I would like to ask people who tout a love of pi day exactly what pi is and get an answer similar to "It's the circumference of a circle divided by that circle's diameter." But instead I would probably get an answer like, "Three point one four!" Great, that's like asking "What is two" and instead of saying something like, "Half of four," you say "It's TWO!" That's tautological. It's redundant. It's like making a sandwich with jelly and jelly. In any case, my problem is that Pi actually has a definition that makes it quite useful in math in general and geometry in specific. To be fair, there are plenty of people that use pi to determine things that pi is related to, like the area of a circle, or the volume of a sphere, or the length of an arc, but it's not just some number that someone decided seemed cool, it has a specific definition.

Second, and somewhat related to the first, Pi has a reputation for having an infinite number of digits and people put a lot of emphasis in memorizing a large number of said digits. While I will not discredit the skill and dedication it takes to memorize a large string of digits, memorizing pi to the 500th digit does not make you any sort of "math genius." It makes you good a memorizing numbers. I have pi memorized to the first nine digits, which is six digits more than I ever really need when using pi in calculations. If I actually do need more digits for some reason, I have calculators that will give me pi to more digits, if I so desire. The fact of the matter is, though, that after four digits, the value isn't changing much. Another way to think about it, is that when we talk about large sums of money, we might say that a certain object is sold for Twelve million dollars. If that number is actually $12,264,318.52, we still say Twelve million, because the other numbers, when compared to twelve million, are insignificant.

Finally, Pi is just annoying. Who here knows how to find the circumference of a circle? You multiply the radius by 2 then by pi. Now why is there a two in there? Simple, pi is the diameter of the circle over the circumference and the diameter is twice the radius. So why don't we just make the formula pi times the diameter, you ask? Because a circle is not defined by its diameter, it's defined by its radius, or the distance from the center of the circle to any part of the edge. It's easy to measure that, as long as you know the center. The diameter is the distance between two points on a circle that are on exactly opposite sides, to measure that you need two points, and you need to be sure they're the right two points. In any case, the reason we use double the radius is because we need to make up for the fact that pi is related to the diameter and not the radius. A better way to measure the circumference of a circle would be to use the ratio that compares the radius to the circumference, which is conveniently pi doubled, or 6.283185. . . also known as Tau. Tau makes a lot of things a lot less confusing and helps to clear up a lot the formulas related to circles.

Anyway, the point of today's rant is that Pi day, although a fun reason to eat pie with a Greek letter on it, is not that great. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make preparations for my Tau day party on June 28th.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Ragging on "Millenials"

First off, I hate the term "Millennial." I mean, I understand the term and it's not like I have any other word for it myself at the moment, but I just don't like it. I think part of the reason I don't like the term is that over the last few years it's been associated with bad things. I always hear on the news or read online things about how "Millennials" are so spoiled, or so selfish, or so lazy, or whatever. The only time I hear that word, it seems, is in relation to how terrible we are. As many of you know, I fit into that demographic of people born sometime between the early 80's and the early 2000's, and I'm sick and tired of being beat on by the media all the time.

So, we're lazy? I remember in school kids pushing themselves to get A's and feeling bad if they didn't. I notice my peers in college beating themselves up for a B while also trying to juggle a social life, and often times a job (full-time, mind you, part-time isn't gonna cut it). In the job I'm in now my age group seems to be the hardest workers. But what about the older generations? Congress obviously isn't a great example, every time a budget issue comes up they end up kicking the deadline down the road. I had a coworker in her forties recently chew me out for sitting down for five minutes but she was a half hour late to work. Heck, even the news I see about us "lazy millennials" is littered with overdone and useless stories (I know that car dealerships are gonna try to take all my money, you don't have to tell me every month). So we're lazy?

So we're spoiled? We feel the need to know things at the touch of a button because we were given the ability to do that. Did Gutenberg spoil the masses by giving them access to the Bible and the written word? Did Shakespeare spoil the common folks by throwing in a bawdy joke or two? Did Philo T. Farnsworth spoil people by allowing them to have images and sound brought into their homes? Why is technology that is used considered spoiling? The only reason I finally broke down and stopped using internet at the library is that it is almost impossible to function in today's society without easy access to the world wide web. That's not my fault, I didn't force businesses to go online, I just took advantage of the ones that did. However, for those of my peers that are "spoiled," I feel that goes back to their parents. The parents that got them all the nice things, the parents that treated them like they were the perfect little angel. The parents that did the work for school projects. I understand the desire for a child to succeed, but I feel that my parents gave a better lesson, that sometimes I'm going to fail, and that doesn't make me a failure, it makes me a human. So we're spoiled?

So we're selfish? We live in a world that is run by the internet. Socialization is done online now. We don't talk to our friends only at very specific times, we can get a hold of friends just by tapping on a plastic screen. We live in an age where we can, if we want, make a friend on the other side of the world and have a real-time conversation with them. The internet is now built around social networking, and social networking is built around, essentially, telling your friends what you are doing. I see people posting the same stuff on Facebook that I would have said to my friends in person, but now those friends live hundreds of miles away and have busy lives and busy schedules, so I put that information on the internet so that they can see it. We take pictures of ourselves to show our friends the things we are doing, even if that's just taking pictures of ourselves. More importantly, we live in an age of trolls, people who will latch on to one tiny thing about a comment, or a post, or any piece of content you put on the internet and mock you for it. Could it be that the girl posting selfies and fishing for compliments might be getting torn apart by ruthless internet bullies for her stance on a controversial issue. Could it be that the young man talking about how much he worked out is just trying to fit in with his friends? But let's go back to the people in Congress. I seem to remember the government shutting down for awhile because the people in that generation couldn't give up a few tiny things they wanted, because nobody could accept that other people have different views and opinions and that it won't kill you to hear them. So we're selfish?

I'm not gonna say that this rant is anything special, just the thoughts and feelings of a "Millennial" tired of being labeled as a terrible person who's ruining the world. My point is, to the older generation of millennial haters, we aren't ruing the world, we're just trying to live in the one you gave us.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Why Try?

I'm getting frustrated. I feel hopeless. I started college four and a half years ago and I just can't seem to do it right. Why does everybody else seem to have a handle on life? I was excited that my paycheck today was over $400. Four Hundred dollars is not a lot for a married guy trying to figure out how he's going to pay for a new apartment when he has to leave the one he's in. I know that everybody has their problems, and I should be happy for the things I do have, but sometimes it feels like I'm alone.

So what brought on this malaise, you may ask? Well, I decided to check my grades for last semester today and let's just say they aren't good. I only took two classes and I did my best in those classes, but certain circumstances made me unable to do certain things. The biggest problem was financial aid. It took so long for my school to get the money that by the time I got it all sorted out, it was almost finals. I had gone the whole semester without my books and, for one class at least, I needed that book to do the homework. I remembered every test and I passed most of them, but without the homework I was doomed.

I'm just sick of always feeling like the work I do isn't good enough. I pay attention in class, I attend as much of class as I can, I learn the material, I take notes, I prove my understanding to the teacher, I take the tests, but even with all of that I get in trouble because I can't adequately define in words what a "measure of significance" is. At work, I will take my clients all around town, I will take two people shopping in one day, I will make four different dinners and I will do it all within four hours and I barely get a "thanks." I just feel hopeless.

I'm tempted to post a link to this on Facebook, but I don't know if I should. I'm always afraid I'll get a bunch of comments that say something like, "It'll all get better," or, "At least you don't have such-and-such a problem." I know people are trying to be supportive, but I want real advice. What do I need to do to get my life where I want it? How does someone who sucks in school become successful in real life? Honestly, some of the only times I fell like I'm actually succeeding are when I'm playing with my band and the lead singer turns to me and says, "I like that!" Why can't I have more of that in my life? A boss that recognizes the work I do. A teacher that can see that I understand the material, even if I can't afford a book. A single person that's willing to build me up when I do my best and hold me up when I'm falling.

I know I should be thankful I have a job, or that I have the opportunity to get an education, or that I can afford to have a car. And I am. But an education is empty if it's just a series of filling out papers with the right answers. A job isn't fulfilling if you never get recognized for the work you do. A car is useless if you aren't able to adequately maintain it.

I have some ideas about what I want to do with my life. I always remember when I was a kid in Junior High, I think, and I heard in a class about what an entrepreneur was. I remember that at that moment I said to myself, "That's what I want to do." It wasn't just about the being my own boss, and I still have that dream even though I know that it means massive amounts of work. I think I've always had a drive to create something. I was four when I asked my mom to teach me to play the piano. As I kid my brother and sister and I would make up stories about different superhero teams like the Foodmen, or the Animalmen. When I was in school I would occasionally get the urge to write a story but I could never come up with a plot. I wrote songs about my life. I helped my brother build a micro-nation and wrote and entire constitution, bill of rights, and started to invent a language for the great Bardusterram. But in the business category, I've always had trouble sticking with ideas. The one that keeps coming to mind is building a restaurant, but I know next to nothing about how to do that. That's why I've been going to school, to learn those skills, but I can't jump through the hoops that they want me to.

So what am I supposed to do? Just drop out and start a business? I'd love to, to be honest, but I don't feel confident in my skills right now and I definitely don't have the money to do that. I have no idea how I'd interest anybody with the money to start up a company to give that money to me. I don't have some earth-shattering idea. I'm not Steve Jobs, or Mark Zuckerberg, or Richard Branson, or anybody you hear of with piles of money because they "thought outside the box." My idea is to take something I love, frybread, and sell it to people in a restaurant setting. That's it. I have no idea if it would be successful. I have no idea if it would be profitable. I don't even know if it would break even. All I know is that anybody I know that has had Native American Frybread has loved it. So maybe there's someone out there that would go with me on that idea, but I doubt it. I don't see my friends as risk takers, it's hard to be, with the world we live in.

Anyway, if you've found this blog it might be because I shared the link on Facebook, or it could be that you don't know me and you've stumbled upon it accidentally. In any case, thank you for reading the crazy thoughts of a guy that just feels like he let himself down. . .

Thank You.