I'm falling behind!

So recently my brother Nathaniel started his own blog. He's been posting like crazy and it makes me feel like I'm neglecting my own. Not to mention the fact that my other brother Michael started posting a bit more regularly to his own blog. So, for the last few weeks I've been thinking about what I want to talk to y'all about and I've decided that I want to tell the world to just CHILL OUT ALREADY!

Lemme explain. Over the last couple of months or so, I've noticed that people in society tend to get really worked up over some things that, in the grand scheme of things, don't matter. Or we get worked up and angry over things that we don't fully understand. Or we get worked up because one person says or does something that we personally disagree with and we make that into a bigger deal than it is. Why do we do that? What is it that makes us get so angry about these stupid things? Seriously, I don't know, can somebody tell me?

Anyway, a good example is found in Cecil the Lion. For those of you who don't know, a few weeks back an American Dentist paid a large amount of money to go trophy hunt lions in Zimbabwe. When he got there the guides he had hired illegally baited a lion to come out of a wildlife preserve and the dentist shot the lion. The lion was wearing a tracking collar and had apparently been named Cecil. When the internet found out about this, people were angry. Some people focused on trophy hunting in general, saying it was barbaric and cold-blooded. Some people vilified the dentist, forcing him to close his practice due to death threats. People suddenly had this connection to a lion they almost certainly had never heard about until they read the story.

Now I understand that some people have issues with hunting. They find it inhumane to kill animals for sport. I personally, having lived in Utah and Wyoming most of my life, find hunting to be a fine hobby when done legally and safely. But I don't mind the opponents of hunting being mad about this. What I mind is the disproportionate reaction. The loudest part of the internet seems to have decided that this dentist is the equivalent of Jack the Ripper. They've sent death threats, vandalized his house, forced him out of work, all because of a lion. This is not what we should do with people that disagree with us.

I am a person who has a set group of beliefs, just like anyone else. And, like anyone else, my beliefs may be in direct opposition to those of other people. An example, and this might sound radical, I am not as super excited as the rest of the world about the Supreme Court's ruling on gay marriage. The reasons I am not happy about it is because, first of all, I feel that the method took away a lot of the democratic power of the people to choose the manner in which they are governed, and secondly, I feel that the government shouldn't be in the business of marriage anyway. My views may conflict with those of my friends and family, but that doesn't mean that my friends or family members are terrible people. Nor should my views make me a terrible person in their eyes.

What I'm trying to say is that sometimes people disagree with us. That doesn't mean those people are bad. Too often in the world today we treat things a black and white. We have Democrats vs Republicans, science vs religion, cats vs dogs. There's no real reason why these things can't exist together, at the same time, helping each other, building each other up. But in our minds we see ourselves and our views as absolutely right and anyone who disagrees is not only wrong, but dangerous.

Debates should not be about trying to bring someone to your side. Debates should be about both presenting your view and learning about your opponents. So here's what I suggest: next time you see someone who disagrees with you on something, try to learn why they feel the way they do, whether it's between chocolate and vanilla, buying and renting, or Capitalism and Socialism. Instead of calling each other names, let's understand each other better. Maybe our views will shift and maybe they won't but I think it's still important to learn about what makes other people think the way they do.

In short, don't hate, don't fight, don't argue. Learn.

Yes, everyone, I'm divorced, here's a few things that hurt to see and hear.

Disclaimer: Some of the things I talk about in this post are not things that I want people to stop doing and it will be obvious what those are. I just want people to know what the world looks like from the divorced point of view.

As some people may know, I am recently divorced. As in, only a few months in. Or out? Anyway, over the last couple of months, I've been compiling an informal, mental list of a few of the things that being divorced makes you look at differently. Things people say, things people do, ways people try to help, etc. I've decided that I'm gonna talk about a few of these things and how they make me feel. This is not meant to be for all divorced people out there, this is just my experience. So, with that said: Onward, into my BRAIN!!!!!

1. "I/We saw it coming"

Before the divorce was finalized I was visiting with a relative of mine and they brought this little gem into the conversation. I understand that to this person it seemed like the kind of line that would comfort me, but in reality, it pissed me off. I felt as if they were saying, "I can't believe you deluded yourself into thinking your marriage was working for so long, I mean WE all saw it coming, why didn't you?" Again, I know it was said with the best of intentions, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. And while we're on the subject of best intentions. . .

2. "You deserve someone who treats you right"

A few weeks ago, my sister got married (no hard feelings by the way, the guy's awesome and they're great together, I'm happy for them). At the reception, which I invited a friend (female) to, a relative said to my friend, "He deserves someone who treats him right." While I understand the desire to, perhaps, look out for me, I have made a decision not to be bitter toward my ex-wife. I am hurt by the choice she made and I am not happy about it, but I don't want to hear that she, "didn't treat me right." Unless you're absolutely sure that abuse of some type was part of the relationship, this one may not be a very good one to say to your divorced friends.

3. Wedding Season

 Ah, Summer. It's warm, school is out, couples are getting married, isn't it beautiful. Apparently, most weddings happen in the summer months, which is understandable. The difficult part for me about that is that, for some weird reason, most anniversaries happen in the summer months too. I don't know how this was before Facebook, but I've noticed that people feel the need to put up some post on their anniversary saying how great it is to be married to their best friend. Every time I see a post like that I think, "look at that, another happy couple, great for them, wish that was me." Doesn't help that my own anniversary is at the end of July. I wonder how that's gonna feel. . . huh?

4. Baby Announcements

This one is the one that tipped the scales on me writing this blog post. My wife and I tried having kids and, for whatever reason, kept having miscarriages instead. Babies have, for the past 5 years been a bit of a tough thing for me, but even more so now, I think. I understand that you as a couple are excited about your upcoming bundle of joy, but I hope you don't mind if I see your post, get a pang of sadness and move on to something happier, like a cat video.

5. Any questions about my dating life.

I understand people are concerned about me. I get that. I also understand that I'm not getting any younger. But what people who ask if I'm dating don't understand is that it's none of their business if I'm dating someone. I'm a grown man who can take care of himself. In case anybody reading this is curious, yes, I have gone on dates and yes, there have been girls I've seen on more than one occasion. But I'm not looking to get married again right now. If you're concerned with my lack of a serious girlfriend, remember, I got married once before, I can probably do it again if I want to.

I don't mean to offend any of my friends or family members with this post, I just feel like a lot of the people I know don't know many people who are divorced and don't know how to act around them. So here's a tip, there's a lot more to me than my ex-wife, talk to me about those things. Hopefully this helps you talk to me or any other divorced acquaintances you may have.