Mad Rantings at 2 am

For some reason I feel like blogging at 2 am. Yeah, weird, but I figure it's just a way to get things out, even if nobody reads it. By a raise of hands, how many of you have been in college? Okay, and how many of you were married when you were in college? Finally, how many of you had absolutely no money. Yep, that's where I am right now. Married broke college student. Not that I'm annoyed at the married, or the college student parts, it's the broke that bugs me. I mean, when you hang around 20-something's all the time, you feel like everyone's got everything figured out except you. You feel like everyone's got a better job than you, everyone's got more money. They can afford gas, they can pay rent,  they can buy enough food to feed their family. The worst part, is everyone seems so darn confident about everything. I wish I could feel confident. I wish I could feel like what I'm doing is enough, but every time I get a paycheck it says, "You're not enough." Every time I go to class and don't understand what's going on it feels like everyone in class thinks, "Wow, this is so simple an untrained monkey could figure it out, you moron." So what in the world can I do about it?

I love being married, my wife is fantastic. She believes in me, thinks I can do anything, but, even though that makes me feel a little better, there's so much more in the world that says I can't do things right. I just wish there was some way to fall into a vat of money that's just enough for what you need. I wish we weren't in debt, I wish we didn't have all the bills we had. I want to be able to provide for my wife and make her feel safe, but I think it's impossible to do that when I don't feel safe myself.

So here's the big question? Why in the world am I asking the silly internet about it? The internet is famous for being a place where if you ask a question you're going to get a dumb answer, no matter how intelligent the question is. The internet is a place where people will mock and ridicule you for doing something you love. The internet is for overused cliches where people tell you, "It'll be okay, don't worry, it'll all work out." Well that's fine and dandy and thanks for offering advice on what to do so things work out. I don't need reassurance, I need advice. I don't need stupid answers, I need actual help. I don't need mock and ridicule, I need someone to build me up and make me feel useful to society, if only because I made them smile.

So, I pose this question to the few people on the internet that will read this, what can I do? And I don't need emotional solutions. I'm sorry, but I'm the kind of person that needs people to give me a place to go, a task to accomplish, and a result to expect. I feel like I've wandered around aimlessly for too long. Reassurance is good, but it's better when it comes with meaningful advice on how to solve the problem.

I'm sorry people of the internet for being as angsty as an emo teen. As consolation, here's a picture that will hopefully make you smile.

Thanks, all two of you, for reading my ranting.